Huh?
by bratprincess
Summary: A Tok'ra and a girl wake up in the wrong bodies, presents a few problems.
1. The beginning

Title: Huh?  
  
Author: bratprincess  
  
E-mail : sas_playingwithfire@hotmail.com  
  
Disc: I only own Elisa and her mum n friends, Stargate is copyright...err...those people no harm intended, only being used for amusment n cause I'm slightly derangd.  
  
Rating: the one for swear words..err...PG-13?  
  
Summary: A Tok'ra and a girl wake up in the wrong bodies, presents a few problems.  
  
Notes: They'll be a lot of spelling errors in this draft as I'm killing my computer at the mo. Also maybe when it's done it'll be separated into separate columns.  
  
  
  
Elisabeth woke up slowly, hmm, wonder who that is babbling, hmm, so strange. Slowly her eyes opened properly and she screamed, what the fuck? Since when had her room looked like this, but this wasn't her room, Elisabeth stood up. Huh?! This wasn't...this wasn't her body! Since when had she been male?! She screeched again, wouldn't this babbling stop?! The voice seemed to become more distinct, less babbly. She heard clear distinct words. 'What has happened, how could someone have switched me hosts without me knowing. But no, this is the same body, but not the same mind.' The words continued along those lines. Elisa pushed this voice to the back of her head, people were coming into the room. More men, some women, all dressed strangely in pale colours and...skins? No, just some weird material. Elisa went to ask a question but found she couldn't, her lips were moving, she was saying something.  
  
"...what is wrong with you, why do you scream?!"  
  
"I do not scream, the host does, this is not my host, what has happened?" Her voice, although much deeper, asked.  
  
"This is exactly your host, nothing has happened, here, see," One of the men was showing them a mirror. They both peered into it, although from the same set of eyes. She could here the voice, yes, this was 'his' body, this wasn't hers. Elisa fought as hard as she could, finally speaking.  
  
To those gathering around his head bowed and then rose, a loud scream came from his mouth, persistent, barely stopping to take breath. The men were trying to quiet her down, many more people crowded into the room.  
  
Elisa finally stopped and looked around her, "Where the fuck am I?" She asked.  
  
The people in the room seemed to look confused, one repeated, "fuck?"  
  
Elisa was shocked, "Never mind, just please tell me where I am."  
  
"Who are you?" The one who seemed to have assumed control of the situation asked.  
  
"Who are you?" Elisa replied.  
  
"Surely you know, we are the Tok'ra," He replied.  
  
Elisa's faced assumed the 'what the fuck?' look. "What's the Tok'ra, you know, never mind, get me home and I was never here, I'm Elisabeth Smit."  
  
The 'tok'ra' looked amazed, "May we please talk to Lantesh?" Someone asked.  
  
'Who's Lantesh?' Elisa was about to ask when a voice asked for control, 'why not' she thought.  
  
"I am here, I am concerned, we must find what has happened to Martouf, this girl knows nothing. I do not know where she comes from, I do not wish to enter her thoughts." 'Lantesh' (whoever he was) replied.  
  
"This is most concerning, perhaps you should come to the council chamber, after you get dressed, of course." The 'assumed' leader replied.  
  
Lantesh looked down at himself, perhaps that was a good idea, "Of course, Tel'ek," He answered.  
  
***  
  
Jacob Carter was walking down a corridor, humming to himself, he never realised how much he liked fishing. What was the point of desert planets, no fishing! Selmac insisted that he be quiet, fishing was a waste of time, no wonder the tau'ri were so technologically less advanced.  
  
Argh, someone bumping into them, "whoa, where are you going so fast?" Jacob said.  
  
"Haven't you heard what happened to Martouf?" The guy asked.  
  
"No, tell me." Jacob urged.  
  
"Martouf woke up this morning screaming and screaming, when people went to see what was wrong Lantesh seemed confused, he said that it wasn't Martouf. When asked to speak to the host there was more screaming. She says she's a girl, she wants to know what we've done to her and how she got here. They are talking to her now in the council chamber."  
  
Jacob followed the Tok'ra, amazed. How could this of happened, where was she from. There must have been a million more questions he wished to ask her. This has never happened before, correct Selmac? That is correct, never have I heard anything like this. He was the wisest and the oldest, he should know.  
  
They rushed to the council chamber there was Martouf surrounded by the council and a rather large crowd. He was clearly being questioned by the council, it was quite clear that they thought that he was the one responsible for what had happened. He could hear a question being asked.  
  
"...are you from?"  
  
"I told you, I'm from London, England." S/he replied.  
  
All the Tok'ra seemed puzzled, every time she said 'England'.  
  
Jacob sighed, Selmac laughed mentally when he understood what Jacob knew. "She's from Earth." He said from the doorway. All the people in the room turned to look at him.  
  
"But she says she's from 'London, England'" one of the tok'ra replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
Jacob shook his head and laughed, "London is a city in England, England in a country on Earth." He explained.  
  
Elisa looked around, Earth, she wasn't on Earth, "Holy shit. Where am I?" She asked.  
  
"Watch you language" Was the only reply that came and that was from Jacob.  
  
*** 


	2. The Realisation

Martouf woke up, oh what a most disturbing dream. He'd dreamt...he couldn't remember, something about a girl. Ah well no matter, things seemed very silent in his room, there was something missing, he just couldn't quite put him finger on it. Suddenly he reaslised, Lantesh was gone, he jumped awake this wasn't his room, how had Lantesh been removed, this wasn't his body, since when had he been a girl?!  
  
Martouf heard a woman calling to him, "Elisa, time to get up for school." He was called Elisa, no, he was called Martouf. He stumbled out of the bed to find a woman shouting at him.  
  
"I told you to get up 15 minutes ago, now we're going to be later. Get dressed quickly," the woman said and pointed to a pile of clothes. Martouf walked over to the clothes, what the hell was this? He picked it up, he better figure out what was happening and soon. It seemed that his conscientious had been transferred into a different body, there were four main questions on his mind, how, why, where was he and what was he going to do about it. He couldn't go through this day, he'd have no idea what was happening, maybe if he managed to smash his head, he could claim that his memory had been effected.  
  
Martouf hastily got dressed, Jacob had once described something like this, he called it a... Martouf searched for the word. Kilt, he'd called it a kilt, this appeared to be a type of uniform, all in green. Maybe this area was very green and it was good for camouflage. This body didn't seem to be older than 16, perhaps she was still in education.  
  
As the woman came into the room and turned her back he hastily took a breath and smashed his head against a cabinet. The pain, relief in the blackness that followed.  
  
***  
  
Elisa sat in the room, she wanted her home back, she wanted her body back. They had said that she could return home soon, she could see they had no idea how this had happened, they seemed as shocked as her. She wondered what they were, I mean they had to be aliens and sometimes they all addressed each otehr by different names. She had seen some of their eyes glow, it was freaky, their voices kept changing.  
  
Elisa was sitting there quietly contemplating the situation when the man from early, who had told her to mind her language came around the corner.  
  
"We have to talk." He said, "you know this much and you're going to have to use the stargate to get home so you may as well be told, I'm Jacob." He sighed and bowed his head as she had seen many of the other 'Tok'ra' so since she arrived. His head lifted and his eyes glowed, "I am Selmak," the deeper voice said. Elisa was slightly shocked, there were two minds in there? Suddenly, Selmak seemed to be addressing Elisa, but not Elisa, he was addressing someone called Lantesh. She had heard this name earlier. Was this body like him? Two minds?  
  
The man, Selmak was talking to her again, "Is it OK if Lantesh shares his memories with you, it'll work both ways. He has been keeping your minds separate for now. It will save us all time. Beware, even after you return to your own body you'll retain his memories and he'll retain yours. Also you will retain memories of his previous hosts, including the former owner of this body." He explained.  
  
Elisa heard a voice in her head she supposed that this was Lantesh. "All will be fine, we will find a way to get you back to your own body. Don't worry," Lantesh had never really been good with 'children'. "I guess it's ok." She replied.  
  
Elisa was bombarded with memories, she could see it all, my God, there were some things she could sense Lantesh was holding back. She knew, she knew what the Goa'uld were, she saw what Lantesh looked like, dear lord, he was inside of her. She saw many people with blonde hair, women, she felt the feelings that went with them. Two words stuck in her mind, two words to sum up the life times, the memories, "Jolinar, Sam..." She whispered.  
  
Selmac sat watching. It was Martouf, nothing was different except the manner in which he sat. Yet in this body was a 15 year old girl from Earth, quite amazing. The fact that this girl whispered, "Jolinar, Sam..." showed that she had the memories, so Lantesh had decided to share all of his memories, not just those to do with the Stargate.  
  
Elisa could sense Lantesh going through her memories, 'I do not mean to intrude I only wish to see your experiences of the culture of Earth. To understand better.' Elisa smiled mentally, 'this may not help you as much as you might hope, I'm English, she's American. Two very different cultures, almost like the Goa'uld and Tok'ra although not to such extremes.' She explained while showing him memories of her life, he seemed shocked. He could hear riffs circling her mind noise at first but then he saw them as she did. 'I would like to hear this music when next I visit Earth,' Lantesh commented.  
  
"When can I go home?" Elisa asked, suddenly.  
  
"Very soon, I expect, all we're waiting for is permission from the high council, I can see no problems," the deeper voice replied.  
  
*** 


	3. The Something or other

Martouf woke up, had he really hit his head that hard, he was lying on the floor, then the darkness took him once more. When Martouf awoke finally he found himself in a place very similar to the infirmary of the SGC. Perhaps this was Earth, now was his chance, a concussion, well, this was better than he could of have hoped. Not in that sense but at least now his very...intangible story might hold some weight. This should sort him out, ok, he can recognise some people, "mother," he said to the woman beside him, she had been the woman at the house this morning. The woman smiled at him, he comes the big question, they may think I'm mad for this, here goes nothing, "What planet am I on?" He asked.  
  
The nurse and his 'mother' appeared very shocked, please just humour me, he thought, just as he thought it the nurse said, "You're on Earth, dear." She looked rather worried and walked off. OK, this is good, he thought, I know my name, well, my first name, I know who my mother is, I know that I'm on Earth and I know that, wait, where exactly was he, the people here spoke nothing like those of the SGC.  
  
"I am not in America," he stated. The alarmed woman beside him was shocked but she hide her initial alarm well. "No, of course not honey, you're in England, London to be precise." Well, at least he knew exactly where he was now. All he had to do was find a way to reach the SGC. He knew that the Stargate was not common knowledge among the people of the Tau'ri. This might prove quite hard. He began to think, his own memory was quite hazy from the experience, Ok, he thought, focus. With that the blackness surrounded him again.  
  
***  
  
"Unauthorised Off world Gate Activation" the siren boomed as Daniel Jackson walked into the gate room.  
  
"Hey guys, who is it?" He asked, looking at the other members of his team.  
  
"Well, you see Daniel the fact that it's an unauthorised off world gate activation means..." Jack O'Neill was cut off by Siler saying, "It's the Tok'ra. IDC confirmed"  
  
"Open the iris," Hammond ordered and with that the iris withdrew.  
  
*  
  
Elisa looked at the shimmering pool of water in front of her, she had never liked water. Her head bowed, Lantesh surfaced and stepped though the Stargate.  
  
As she stepped exited on the other side she say military officers with gun standing at the sides of the room, "Whoa." She commented. Jacob and some of the other Tok'ra had accompanied her through. A flash of blonde hair, it was her, Sam, she could feel Lantesh excitement. The blonde woman was coming, she was hugging Jacob, 'her father,' Lantesh explained.  
  
"It is good to see you, Samantha," Lantesh said.  
  
"Hey Marty!" Jack O'Neill called from the door, "whatcha doing here?"  
  
"There has been a problem, with Martouf," He explained.  
  
The looked puzzled, "Aren't you Martouf?" He asked.  
  
"No, I am Lantesh, allow the host to explain." Lantesh finished, dropping his head and releasing control to Elisa.  
  
"Hi, this is so cool, American? I always wanted to see inside one of your bases." Elisa had an urge to just hug the woman, Samantha, 'no Elisa,' she could hear Lantesh, 'you know why.' "I know, but it couldn't hurt, could it?" she asked him, not realising she had answered out loud.  
  
The man with the greying hair, Jack, she reminded herself, was looking at her strangely, "I haven't quite got the replying to Lantesh in my head thing sorted yet, sorry." She explained, Jack just raised his eyebrows and nodded.  
  
Jacob seeing that she would simply babble for ages explained, "Martouf woke up earlier screaming, when questioned he replied that he wasn't a he, he was infact a she from London. Lantesh seemed both disturbed and confused. It seems that something has happened, there seems to have been a body swap. We brought him here, hoping you could...swap 'em back.' He finished.  
  
Elisa looked at them, seeing their confused and troubled faces she said, "You think you're having problems dealing with this at least you ain't a 15 year old girl who woke up in this body!"  
  
*** 


	4. The New Chapter

disc: not mine...etc  
  
a/n: couldn't help taking the bit from the simpsons, (c) simpsons people, (u'll see what bit i mean when i read it)  
  
"So you're a teenager from London?" Jack asked once more, he seemed to find the whole situation unbelievable and amusing.  
  
"Yes, yes, fricking yes." Elisa responded, becoming aggravated with O' Neill's many questions.   
  
Elisa wanted Lantesh to think of a reason to get rid of him, she could see that he didn't like the man, although it appeared not to be for the same reason as Elisa. Elisa wanted to poke around in his thoughts, but firstly he didn't seem to want her to and secondly she couldn't quite figure out how. 'Oh well, it's not like it'll matter once I leave this body.' She was convinced that they would get her out, they had to. She wanted her own body and didn't like thoughts or plans that involved her not getting her body back. This was when the appalling thought struck her, what was Martouf doing in /her/ body!!!  
  
He could be doing anything to her body, there was no one to look after it like there was his. And her mother! And her school! And her friends! Sufficed to say Elisa started to hyperventilate in the middle of a /conversation/ with the colonel, which caused concern from all those around her.  
  
Lantesh quickly enough took control of the body and their breathing. He looked up to see confused faces all around him. "She was just momentarily worried about the condition of her body and her," he searched for the term, "life."  
  
At hearing this, Jack suddenly realized no one had made any inquires as to the girl's body, they had been so fascinated with the fact that it had actually happened. Just as he was about to reprimand someone for it, Carter spoke up.  
  
"I actually came in to ask what your address was." Phew, Jack thought, thank God for Carter sometimes, he paused, thank God for Carter all of the time.  
  
He looked to Martouf, he couldn't believe that inside of him was a teenage girl, "So you're a…"  
  
***  
  
Martouf looked around, what /were/ these people poking him with now?!   
  
***  
  
Hiki and Liju, two random aliens sat in their ship, above Vorash bickering like children.  
  
"I told you I could do it!" Liju shouted at Hiki.   
  
"I didn't say you couldn't do it! I said you shouldn't!" Hiki shouted back.  
  
"Well what are we going to do now? I don't think I can swap them back, I may have *cough* broken the machine" Liju finished quietly.  
  
"What?! This is just typical, we can't just leave them like that, even if they are proof that your stupidity is unsurpassed by any other being in the universe." Liju couldn't believe that he had allowed this to happen, typical, just typical.  
  
"Well, I could /try/ and fix the machine, although, y'know when I was boasting and showing you .my. new machine..."  
  
"Yes.."  
  
"Well, it isn't exactly /mine/, I may have *cough* hadhelpfromHyun"  
  
"Oh someone have pity on me today! How /ever/ did I get assigned such an idiot!?" Hiki exclaimed.  
  
"You agreed to me on the ship as a favour to your mother's mother, my aunt."  
  
"Now you add the final insult and remind me that we're related!!!"  
  
"Sorry, I'll just...go...try...fix the machine." With that Liju scampered off, leaving a fuming Hiki behind.  
  
***  
  
bratprincess gna apologise about the delay, I wasn't going to finish it, but, aw hey, the more reviews I get the mroe likely i am to write quicker *grins* also reviews that might help me would be better. 


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